| Attunement & Engagement |
|---|
| Low interest in communicating own experience & interests to others nor hearing about theirs; Low desire to be expressive; shows less response, likes to be reserved, uninvolved. Doesn’t take pleasure in doting or compliments. |
Opinions, interests feel disregarded; Loneliness, few shared moments of mutual recognition; misses compliments & cherishing signals. Loss of self-esteem, feeling unappreciated, taken for granted. |
| Low interest in material outside focal point. Values own socializing preferences & interpretations. |
Attempt to introduce material outside partner’s focus stymied (in conversation & life.) Reduced options for participation as a couple - narrow joint social life. |
| Attuning, registering, validating not a natural priority. Others’ emotions seem uncalled for, unjustified, beside the point; Doesn’t naturally “put oneself in someone else’s shoes;” may reject partner’s view of events; may misinterpret others’ intentions. |
Emotions or preferences unacknowledged, disregarded, dismissed; invisibility; loss of self; insecurity; second-guessing & uncertainty of own reality. Painful longing to be received & “gotten.” (Feelings of neglect may repeat early wounds, explaining partner choice.) |
| Concrete thinking. Low appreciation for inner, less obvious, “hidden” meanings, realities, or unseen aspects of life & others. May experience relationship & define intimacy in functional terms (common property, acts of service,) with non-functional interaction seen as beside the point. Friendships run on surface topics. Interactions tend toward intellectual responses unless prompted; Distaste for ludic cavorting. |
Feels inner world never shared/ appreciated. Distance or upset only NT seems to notice or address; problems fester. Fatigue re translating & prompting. Loss of feelings of warmth & reciprocity, input & return of feelings; unrequited verbal or physical offers. Misses positive feedback, playfulness, laughter, repartee, banter, intimate back-&-forth connection, “pillow talk,” warmth, joyful connection, loving extended foreplay. Numbness, grief, neglect (“omission”) trauma. |
| Change & Conflict |
|---|
| Lack of interest in outside input re self; doesn’t enjoy flexing or adapting to other’s suggestions re change. Slow or reluctant to seek out new ways of being; low spontaneous voluntary interest in pursuing journeys of personal transformation. |
Frustration - requests for change get no engagement nor traction; confusing exchanges per lack of follow-through on agreed changes. Escalating desperation to be understood; “broken record.” Narrowing of life experiences; forced to “coast.” |
| Not mistaken unless proven; innocently perceives others as cause of difficulties. Errors must be objective to be admitted. Behavior critique not sought; default is being right. Honestly remembers events differently. Strongly felt sense of right & wrong; unbreakable commitment to own view of justice. |
No redress. Falsely blamed. May develop strong feelings of helplessness, anger & dysregulation. Defensiveness. Concerns & sense of reality repudiated. Gaslit. Fatigue re frequent castigation. |
| Unique decision-making process, can be accompanied by anxiety re planning/ execution leading to aggressive affect. |
Stymied collaboration; dead end in initiating planning until partner is ready. Contorts to partner’s preferences re execution. Weathers associated criticism/reactivity. |
| Disproportionate expressions of anger & blame; build-&-release irritation (bottle & burst.) Mild anxiety → unintentional anger signals, intimidating scowling. |
Walking on eggshells; tenses when partner enters space; chronic, cumulative nervous system stress, exhaustion; fatigue re self-protection & defusing tension. |
| Touch & Interaction |
|---|
| Low interoception. Sensory aversions. Unusual or stiff posture & gait. Awkward ways of engaging. Facial tics. |
Misses & mourns physical spontaneity & sensual engagement, such as dancing. |
| Excess or avoidance of touch & physical contact; asexuality or hypersexuality. |
Unsatisfying human physical contact; forced celibacy or uncomfortable imposition. |